Your life probably feels like it's following the same exhausting script.

You find yourself in the same relationship patterns, dealing with the same emotional struggles, or telling yourself the same limiting stories about who you are and what you can handle. It's like being trapped in a story someone else wrote—except that someone else is you.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Most of us get stuck in narratives that no longer serve us, stories that keep us small, suffering, or repeating the same painful patterns.

Here's what's actually true: you're not trapped in a single story of your life. You never were. And narrative therapy can help you remember that you've always been holding the pen.

When your story has you trapped

How do you know if you're stuck in a limiting narrative? The signs are usually pretty clear once you know what to look for:

You speak in absolutes about yourself

"I always mess up relationships." "I never stick up for myself." "I'm just not good with money." These aren't facts about who you are—they're stories that have hardened into seeming truths.

You can predict how things will end

If you find yourself thinking "Here we go again..." or "I know exactly how this will turn out," you're probably interpreting new experiences through the lens of an old, familiar story.

The same problems keep showing up

Different jobs, different partners, different cities—but somehow the same patterns follow you everywhere. It's not because you're cursed; it's because you're carrying the same story.

Change feels impossible

When you're trapped in a limiting narrative, growth seems unrealistic because "that's just how things are" or "that's just who I am." The story has become bigger than your ability to imagine alternatives.

Your story focuses on what's wrong with you

Your default explanations for life events center on your flaws, failures, or inadequacies rather than your efforts, circumstances, or the complexity of being human.

M., a client in his forties, realized he was stuck when he noticed all his relationship stories ended the same way: "They always leave eventually." This narrative had become so powerful that he began withdrawing at the first sign of closeness, unconsciously creating the very ending he feared.

"I was living my life like it was already written," M. explains. "And I was both the author and the victim of the same terrible story."

How changing your story changes everything

The stories we tell about ourselves aren't just descriptions—they're instructions. They shape how we see opportunities, interpret other people's actions, and decide what's possible for us.

When S. first came to therapy, she described herself as "just naturally anxious." This story led her to avoid challenging situations and interpret physical sensations as signs of impending disaster.

Through narrative therapy, S. began exploring times when anxiety wasn't running the show. She remembered hiking with friends and feeling exhilarated rather than terrified when her heart raced. She recalled speaking up in a meeting despite feeling nervous.

These exceptions to her dominant story—what narrative therapists call "unique outcomes"—helped S. create a new understanding of herself as someone who experiences both anxiety and courage.

"I still feel anxious sometimes," S. explains, "but it's no longer my entire identity. It's just one thing I experience, alongside many other emotions and strengths."

This shift isn't just feel-good psychology—it creates real changes. As S.'s story changed, so did her actions. She began taking small risks, speaking up more often, and pursuing goals that anxiety had previously made seem impossible.

The relief of discovering you're not stuck

Many people describe a profound sense of relief when they realize they're not bound to a single story about who they are.

"It was like I'd been wearing the wrong prescription glasses my whole life," D. shares. "Suddenly I could see things I'd missed before—especially the ways I'd been stronger and more resourceful than I gave myself credit for."

Narrative therapy creates this relief by:

Separating you from your problems

Your struggles aren't seen as fundamental flaws in your character but as external challenges you can relate to differently. You're not an anxious person; you're a person who sometimes experiences anxiety.

Finding exceptions to problem stories

Every limiting story has gaps—times when the problem was less powerful or completely absent. These exceptions contain valuable information about your capabilities and preferred ways of being.

Connecting with what matters to you

Underneath problem stories usually lie deeply held values. Your frustration with conflict might reveal how much you value harmony. Your disappointment with yourself might reflect your commitment to growth.

Creating space for new stories to breathe

New narratives need witnesses to grow stronger. Your therapist serves as an appreciative audience for emerging stories of strength and might help you identify others who can support your preferred narrative.

What actually happens in narrative therapy

Wondering what a narrative therapy session feels like? Here's what you can expect:

A different kind of conversation

This isn't about being diagnosed or told what's wrong with you. It's a curious, respectful conversation where your experiences and perspective are the starting point.

E. describes her first session: "I was terrified of being analyzed or labeled. Instead, my therapist was genuinely interested in how I saw things. She asked questions nobody had ever asked me before—not to judge my answers, but to help me see my experiences from new angles."

Questions that open possibilities

Your therapist will ask questions designed to help you examine your current story and discover alternative narratives:

• "Has it always been this way, or were there times when things felt different?"
• "How has this story affected different parts of your life?"
• "If this were a chapter in a book about your life, what would you title it?"
• "Who in your life wouldn't be surprised to hear about your strengths in handling this?"

You're the expert on your life

In narrative therapy, you know your experiences better than anyone else ever could. Your therapist brings expertise in asking helpful questions, but they don't position themselves as knowing what's best for you.

Space to move at your own pace

You'll never be pushed to share more than feels comfortable. Narrative therapy recognizes that people need safety to explore vulnerable stories.

Homework that makes sense

Your therapist might suggest reflective activities between sessions—like noticing exceptions to problem patterns, keeping track of preferred story moments, or creating visual representations of your journey.

Is this approach right for you?

Narrative therapy can be particularly helpful if:

• You feel defined or trapped by labels (either ones you've given yourself or ones others have given you)
• You're struggling with shame or a harsh inner critic
• You keep encountering the same problems despite trying to change
• You're going through major life transitions that challenge your sense of who you are
• You feel stuck in patterns that don't reflect who you want to be

At Hurt Feelings, we create space for you to explore your current stories and discover new possibilities without apologizing for the chapters that brought you here. We know that no single story can capture the complexity of your life, and we believe you have the wisdom and capacity to author a more authentic narrative.

Your hurt feelings about your current story make complete sense. Your frustration with feeling stuck is valid. And your desire for something different is evidence of your capacity for growth—not proof that something is wrong with you.

You've always been the author of your story, even when it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes you just need someone to remind you that you're still holding the pen.

Ready to explore how narrative therapy might help you write new chapters? Contact us to learn more about honoring your full story while creating space for the narrative you actually want to live.

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